Some Profound Questions...

So, here is a list of questions that some guys asked a group of girls at a youth event.  One of those girls forwarded the questions to a large list of ladies for their imput:   Here is my response:

First of all, I would like to say that all of these questions are excellent! I started to think about how I should answer them, and then I supposed you would get many answers from young ladies, so instead of thinking about how I would have answered these questions when I was a senior in High School, I thought I would let you know how it is to be an OLD MARRIED WOMAN! :0) Wow...I am getting old....are you sure you are old enough to go to college this fall?!?!?! :0)


The questions are:

1. Does how a guy dresses affect you?

Actually, and surprisingly, yes! Young men can affect married women, just as they can affect young single women. Tight shirts and showing off muscles can throw women-married or not- into a dangerous cycle of thoughts. I guess I would say especially married women, whether young men intend to or not, simply because women are so emotional. For example, if a married woman is struggling in her relationship with her husband, in any way, but even if it is as simple as lack of romance, married women can be very distracted by young attractive men (especially if they dress sexy, or if they are flirtatious toward them).

I would say that flirtation is the most dangerous for young men. In my experience guys just don’t seem to keep themselves in as much check with married women (I suppose, because they feel relaxed around them, “they couldn’t like me, they are married.”) It has been very frustrating for me to have guys at church or family friends who flirt with married women. I just don’t think that guys even think much about that, but they need to.
2. What does it look like for a guy to initiate (in a relationship)?

For a married woman, and I think that it goes for a dating relationship as well, but the guy MUST pursue. Girls, forget about pursuing guys! If he doesn’t think enough of you to have the guts to ask you out, forget about it! I say that because, in marriage, the Husband MUST work hard to pursue his wife. And chances are, he will be much lazier and much more apathetic after you have been married, than before. So, some important things to consider are: What does he do on his own without you around? What is his work ethic like? How involved is he with his family? What kind of church activities does he do without you around? Does he pursue God (don’t ask him, ask his best friends or his siblings)? How does he pursue God? Is there any place in his life that he is lazy?

I know these questions relate more to what kind of guy he is, but what kind of guy and a guy that initiates are very closely tied to one another. I want you to really think about the issue of Laziness, because this trait is the downfall of many marriages that I have seen, as well as the destruction of men in the church. Lazy men don’t have the drive to keep themselves pure in thought and in deed. If they have indulged laziness in outward areas of their lives, they most likely are lazy in the area of purity, and they probably are very selfish in satisfying their wants more than thinking of anyone else.

How does that laziness affect your relationship? Well, if he is indulging his thoughts in pornography, or in thoughts of women, he will not think of your needs first, and he will most likely take that habit into his marriage. A man that looks to pornography and other women to satisfy his desires, does not pursue his wife romantically, sexually, or intimately. It is very unfortunate, that guys today cannot get away from the enticement of pornography—women in bras and seductive pictures are on every page of the internet. That is why it is even more important that you date/marry a man that is very driven, and is driven to squelch habits and sin and to pursue his relationship with God and intimacy with Christ.

3. What makes you feel that you have value?

Many women look to their relationships and to the guys in our lives for value. As an OLD MARRIED WOMAN, I say, “Girl! Don’t look there!” It is so vital to your contentment and to your value as a woman, to keep one thing close: Christ is sufficient!

I know that many of you have heard that again and again, but as a former slave to eating disorders and rebellious relationships, I have looked for value everywhere—and I am telling you—Christ is THE ONLY PLACE you will find the value and worth you are searching for! I married the most wonderful, romantic, thoughtful man on the planet (sorry, single girls! :0) ), and I didn’t find my worth or value there. I have three beautiful children, and I haven’t found value in being their mother, either. I have an amazing job, a wonderful set of loving Christian parents, a great church body, an amazing teaching Pastor, and I am usually highly successful in whatever I put my mind to. However, none of these things have ever made me feel valuable.

My relationship with Christ is the only place that I have ever felt satisfied, completely and wholly loved, valued and cherished, filled and joyful, and completed.

My advice, ladies: Don’t look to guys to ever fulfill you. Why? Because while marriage is glorious, he is a fallen sinner, and so are you. Marriage will never satisfy apart from both partners allowing Christ to transform them, sanctify them, purify them, and complete them. Then-and only then-when both partners look to Christ as their value, and then cherish and respect one another out of complete selflessness, can marriage and a husband bring fulfillment.

4. List your top 3 most valuable character traits that you are looking for in a guy?

I talked a lot about these things in question 2, but here are my top three:

1. He is not lazy in any area of his life. So, a good work ethic. He is spiritually pursuing Christ.

2. His life is headed in the same direct God has called you. If you feel God has called you to foreign missions, don’t date a guy who loves business and wants to build a computer empire in California. He won’t change his mind. And you will feel defeated or disobedient for your whole married life.

3. Kindness. Is he the first to help when someone is struggling? Is he kind when others make fun of someone, or does he join in? The kinds of things he thinks are funny and they way he tells jokes when you aren’t around tells you a lot about where his heart is, and what he thinks is valuable.
5. What do you think it looks like for the guy to lead?


6. What do you think it looks like for the girl to follow?

I am going to take these two together. First , I want to look at dating: In a dating relationship, it is very important that the guy be the initiator. Ladies, you don’t want a guy who is too timid to approach you. If he lacks to guts to talk to you, he probably won’t have guts to do important and even hard things in a marriage. If he decides he wants you, trust me—no matter how shy he is, he will approach you! Now, once you are dating, girls, don’t look to him to take the lead on purity. Some guys can and will do it. Most guys need your help. Nowhere in Scripture does it say that a guy must lead in all areas of a dating relationship. In fact, the only place God talks about men leading is politically, and in a marriage. Personally, I think that a girl needs to make sure that a guy isn’t leading in all areas in a dating relationship. If he has to have control on all issues, he might have a problem with power, and you might want to watch him to see if he might have abusive tendencies. For example, does he also have a flaming temper? Does he come off as a prideful individual? Does he get possessive when you talk to other guys, or spend time with your girlfriends? If you can say yes to any of these questions, drop that guy and run!

So, how can a girl help lead in the area of purity? Set the standards. Guys need your compassion. They have a lot to deal with, hormonally and visually, and our culture assaults them each and every minute of the day. And if they are actively fighting—then they are exhausted! When it comes to their relationship with you, if they are comfortable, the last thing they feel like doing is fight their feelings and thoughts of you. Now, I am not giving them excuses! Should they? God commands them to! But, He also tells us to support and love our brothers!

Girls, you decide what you can and can’t do in the relationship. And, you need to think about drawing many lines. Don’t rely on “no kissing” to be the gold standard—come on! You can have sex and not kiss! So, as you are thinking about it, here is a good rule of thumb. “Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your parents, your grandparents, your best friend, and YouTube to see.” I know that sounds very restrictive, but I want to remind you that the God of the Universe is watching you all the time, and when you fall into sexual immorality, He is still watching, and His heart is breaking. Jesus died for those sins, and if you have fallen, God has forgiven you completely, and you are a NEW CREATURE! So, don’t fall into old habits.---Look to Christ to fulfill your desires, needs, and give you Value!

Besides, the more your save for marriage, the more sacred your relationship with your husband will be. Only in marriage, can you find a physical relationship without barriers and God redeems the fall through that relationship—Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. It is beyond glorious, when you can be with the man of your dreams naked and unashamed before a holy God. YOU ARE WORTH waiting for. YOUR BODY is a temple of the Holy Spirit, and God made your body to be a delight to your husband. Why let anyone see it before your wedding night?

Now, leadership in marriage is a whole different issue. If any of you ladies want to hear about a husband’s role and a wife’s role. Let me know, and I will answer that seperately.

7. What do you think a healthy guy/girl friendship looks like?

Friendship! Wow....now, that is a difficult question! Friendship needs to take place in groups. Never be one-on-one with a guy, if you want to stay friends. You cross into dangerous emotional and physical waters when you are in solitude. However, on the same note, friendship is hard not to keep healthy, if you are in a group of your favorite pals! Make sure you don’t text too much, or email too much. Keep your conversations (FB, texting) as public as possible. Let others read them, like siblings, roomates, or parents. Just think fun! Don’t share your hope and dreams, don’t get to spiritual one-on-one, and don’t ever be accountability partners!

8. How can we (guys) appreciate you (girls) without insinuating anything?

I would say this is similar to the friendship question. Keep it open and keep it public. The best way not to lead a girl on, is to do the same thing for many girls, and make your appreciation be general not particular. Remember that women ALWAYS read WAY MORE into everything than guys. Guys might email a song that they like for no reason, and girls will ask, “what is he trying to tell me though this song?” :0) Chuck says, “Keep it simple, stupid!” :0)
9. Why so many shoes?

Lol...ladies?
10. Why do you say you want a good Christian guy, but you fantasize about movie stars (i.e. hanging pictures in your room)?

Ladies, this is a sad question. We can be just as vulnerable to today’s pornography as guys. In fact, about 50% of women today view hard core pornography regularly. We must be on our guard, just as much as guys. In fact, we need to actively fight this culture, just as men do. Although, Satan, though our culture wants to attack us more than just on the visual front. How? I call it “emotional pornography.” The way we feel when we read a steamy romance novel or the way a chick flick makes us feel are traps—AND, they can be habit-forming. These kinds of indulgences do two things: 1. Set us up for expectations that won’t ever be met, whether in a dating relationship, or more importantly, in marriage. 2. Much like visual pornography, emotional material (novels and movies) elicits a hormonal response that creates a craving, and instead of allowing first, Christ to satisfy your desires, and second, your Husband, you will self-satisfy by living vicariously though books and romance movies. As your cravings get out of control, they will consume you, and you will have to find more steamy and sexy material to satisfy your cravings. IT IS A PIT! Don’t go there—trust me.

Now, are all romance novel and chick flicks off limits? No. But, keep yourself in check. If you are can’t control yourself, cut it off completely. If chick flicks don’t bother your heart, watch one now or then. The most important thing is to be wise. Pray that God would give you wisdom, and keep yourself in check: Why do I want to watch this movie, or read this book? Do I have an emotional or physical response to this material? How does my heart and emotions feel after reading/watching this, and do I crave more?


Hope this long entry is helpful. Chuck said he might be interested in answering guys these same questions, because as I am sure you all know...the answers I just gave were for you ladies, and these types of answers is not what guys are really asking! :0)

So...I wish I had something profound to say...

I'm tired.

Is that profound? :0)

Josie is a star!

To my heroes...

I am so thankful for all those who have given their lives to serve this country, and to preserve my freedom and to uphold the freedom of others around the world. I often forget that there are individuals who give up their comforts and freedoms to protect mine. What a powerful reminder of their beautiful and courageous sacrifices.

http://www.iwo.com/heroes.htm

Someday--in much the same way, I have committed to give up my freedoms and comforts to serve others...shouldn't I be practicing that now?

A Lesson Learned

Wow...life with two is definitely an adjustment! Josie is having a hard time, as she has come to the realization that she is not the center of the universe! As most people tell me this is normal, and that I should expect for her tantrums to last about three weeks, I have come to the conclusion that it will be more like a lifetime.

Two days ago, Josie wanted to take a picture of Charley. Which, I thought was so cute and a great idea, so I offered to help her, since she can't really work the camera all by herself. However, it is difficult for a two-year-old to understand that he or she needs HELP to do anything, let alone something they have set their will to do. So, the battle began.

Josie began to hold on to the camera with all her might, while screaming at the top of her lungs. I calmly urged her to let me help her with the camera, so we could take the picture together. However great an idea this seemed to me, she had other ideas, and simply continued screaming, throwing in a growl or two in my general direction. Disgusted at her attitude, I decided that taking a picture was a very BAD idea after all, and took the camera away.

Unfortunately for Josie (and for me as well), she did not appreciate this change in plans. She made her thoughts very clear, as she continued to scream louder, hitting me with violent thrusts, and then throwing herself to the floor. Wow.

After multiple forms of discipline, she finally calmed down enough for us to understand one another--or at least for her to understand me; I understood her PERFECTLY--she is a sinner. But, I had to remind her that I am a picture of the Law.

Later, as I retold the days event to Chuck, he simply said, "Now you know how God feels."

He is so right. How many times does God offer wisdom through others and His Word to me, and I refuse to listen, trying to accomplish things in my own strength. My selfishness and pride cause me to be disobedient--and then I must be disciplined. If only I would obey the Lord in the first place, everything would be as it should be. Wow. I never thought that a horrible day with a two-year-old would become a Spiritual lesson for me.

I am so sorry that this posting is belated. Life with two is a little different! Yeah...different, but good. :0)

So, here is the news:
WE HAD A BABY!!!!!!

[No small accomplishment, I assure you! :0)]

Charles Gray Lawrence III
7.7 lbs and 20.5 inches long.
Born on Oct. 18, 2007 at 11:57am

Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. He came beautifully! The labor went really well, and our doctor was able to deliver him! My mom was able to make it down in time, even though the labor progressed quickly! I had no complications in the delivery, and we are both recovering wonderfully! :0) To God be the glory for such a wonderful experience! :0)

In You our fathers trusted;
They trusted and You delivered them.
To You they cried out and were delivered;
In You they trusted and were not
disappointed.
Psalm 22:4-5

All my love,
Kristin
(for Chuck, Josie, and Charley)

Lying in Church?

I just read an interesting blog entry. It was entitled, "Lying in Church," by 20 times around the block. I must say that I often share sentiments with him. Especially when songs such as this are presented:

I would run for a thousand years

If I knew every step would be getting me closer

I’d swim to the ocean floor

For my Lord is the treasure

My Lord is the treasure

I must confess, that I cannot sing these words. In my fleshly state, I would never be able to run for a thousand years, nor swim to the ocean floor--no matter WHAT the object of my affection. I admire the songwritter's passion, but cannot help but wonder at the over-exaggeration. I much prefer the honesty of Third Day's Love Song, written from the perspective of Christ, Himself.

I've heard it said that a man would climb a mountain

Just to be with the one he loves

How many times has he broken that promise

It has never been done.

I've never climbed the highest mountain

But I walked the hill of calvary

Just to be with you, I'd do anything

There's no price I would not pay

Just to be with you, I'd give everything

I would give my life away.

I've heard it said that a man would swim the ocean

Just to be with the one he loves

But all of those dreams are an empty emotion

It can never be done

I've never swam the deepest ocean

But I walked upon the raging sea.

I know that you don't understandthe fullness of My love

How I died upon the cross for your sins

And I know that you don't realize

how much that I gave you

But I promise, I would do it all again.

Just to be with you, I've done everything

There's no price I did not pay

Just to be with you, I gave everything

Yes, I gave my life away.